I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of consent and what it really means to consent to something. Where are the limits of what someone can or should be allowed to consent to? How does that relate to sex, abortion, consensual non-consent, assisted suicide, gender dysphoria, and body dysmorphia? It seems to me that these aren’t just legal or ethical questions, but deep philosophical ones: not just how much agency we have, but how much we should have. Thanks for pushing the conversation in that direction.
This is the first time I’ve ever truly felt heard when it comes to the discussions I want to have around the nuances of consent. I want to talk about the gray areas. Those fine lines.
Growing up, I had no understanding of what consent actually meant. I thought the “R” word was something that could only happen in dark alleys with violent strangers. I was never taught or told that assault, on a large scale, happens most of the time by people you know and trust. In spaces you, prior to, felt safe in.
And it’s not just sexual encounters, I feel we often overlook that there is a whole world of things we consent to daily without having the proper discussions surrounding what it means.
Thank you for reading, and giving these hard discussions space.
I'm ashamed to say that I had to read this one a few times before I understood it.
Am I to understand that the therapist is a sort of antagonist here because she's lulling the protagonist into a false sense of security while oversimplifying the problem of consent? By asking her to define consent in one sentence, she's not letting her address the complexities of consent?
Certainly bad therapists can do that sometimes -- start to guide you towards the wrong conclusions, or guide you away from the point you know you want to make.
In which case this isn't just a story about defining consent, but about how challenging it can be to even find the space to define it?
Please, you read it…and more than once! I’m honored 🧡
More or less, I wanted to focus on my therapist who was trying to simplify, in the most absolute and definitive terms, what consent is. What it means. (Knowing that I may have been a victim of non-consensual acts and trying to open the floor for that conversation.) But I, not only in attempts to conceal my prior history, genuinely could not define consent in basic terminology. It felt too broad of a concept, and one we tend to contradict constantly.
Thank you for your raw unfiltered truth. It’s refreshing to have someone truly let someone see behind the curtain not the filtered what everyone wants to hear commentary but the real raw feelings and emotions that lie underneath. I appreciate your honesty. Keep doing what you’re doing!
It told me everything I needed to know about the speaker. The tone, the walls, the sharp self-awareness, the survival instinct; it’s all baked in. That line sets the table for everything that follows, and I immediately trusted the voice because of it.
It’s not just snark for snark’s sake. It’s armor. It’s control. It’s a power move in a room where the speaker feels like they’re being dissected, and they’re not about to let anyone — therapist, reader, whoever — get the upper hand without a fight.
This is officially the best comment I have ever received on any of my writing. That’s exactly, verbatim, the intention behind it and you’re the first person who’s picked up on that!
I feel like you see me and you just get it.
That visibility, and your being here to bear witness, means more than I could ever begin to express.
I'm sure other people get it. Maybe they just don't comment. I can't imagine others don't get it, because it screamed at me from the page so clearly in the best way.
I definitely see you. Your writing is sleek and smart and full of feeling. It's a true pleasure to read.
Believe it or not, I once heard a woman say that she preferred it to be nonconsensual. I remember she couldnt, or wouldn't (thanks to this newfound understanding) say no; ultimately, she believed this made her more "cool."
A well measured response. There are systems for consent in the BDSM world that I was were more common outside of it. The specificity is needed in, because sometimes no doesn't mean no in those settings. In some settings even tears don't mean stop.
The idea is that limits are defined, and what will be done is discussed. New acts are not added in the heat of the movement but instead negated in detail. The exact level of detail can vary widely and there is always room for grey, but this is much more effective then, "let's all just guess."
Hi Amanda, that is a powerful piece. This is such a complex topic and is so well written. There is even a hint of humor?! Not sure how you did that, but I will be here for more :)
Thank you so much for reading! That means the world 🧡🫶 and YES! There is some drops of humor most folks overlook or don’t catch - I’m so glad you did! Thank you for getting my style and sense of dry sarcastic humor!
I enjoyed reading this. It’s raw, it’s blunt, it’s the voice all women need. I’m sure many of us have had at least a few of these encounters. As a young woman I frequently found myself in positions where I didn’t feel safe to say “No”. Or if I said “No” they wouldn’t take it at face value and continue with coercion.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond with your thoughts. I agree! It’s a universally shared experience for most women. I’m sorry you went through this 🧡 I’m sending you love and a virtual hug!
Hell yes! Strikingly true and one hundred percent true. Super raw and genuine. I was hooked. Like I wanted more. Your writing is very grabbing and made me feel like I had a hitch in my breath. Eeeeek. 🤍
Jennifer, thank you so much! I just checked your page out, too! I love love love your take on color theory and hues! My whole life I’ve wondered if I’m a spring, summer, autumn or winter! What colors compliment me best; and yellow has always felt like home! 💛
Oh, Sis. I feel you. But this isn’t consent. None of that, is consent. I’ve been on the mean end of lack of consent. It sucks. But it’s also part of the reason I am who (and how) I am now. So glad we’ve connected. Curious to read more from you.
Thank you for reading 🧡 that means the world to me! More than I could ever express. And Pt. 2 to this story is published! I finally could share it here! Titled, “Consent Defined”
If you ever have a moment to read it, I’d LOVE your thoughts!!! Sometimes I feel like the only people who will understand, are those who have gone through it themselves. It’s always mixed feelings for me; I’m so incredibly grateful we found one another to share common ground and feel less alone. But it breaks my heart knowing anyone else had to go through this. 😭
My heart. 🥹🧡 I always feel mixed emotions when someone says these two works resonate with them. I’m glad we’ve found one another to share common ground with, but I’m sad to know you ever had a similar experience.
Thank you for reading, and know I’m always here! Just a DM away 🫶
Amanda, your honesty here is next-level. I know that feeling you described - when the inner dialogue becomes so loud that it drowns out everything else. The way you narrate from inside that storm makes it hit even harder.
That line about “just letting the guy finish quickly” lands hard. Nobody wants to admit how often we perform to keep the peace, or how much gray area there is. You’re saying out loud what most people never will.
That last line, “I’ll plead a false confession if it comes to it,” feels like it’s setting something up. Is this part of a larger story, or is there more to come? Either way, it stuck with me.
Neil, this meant the WORLD to me. This caught me in my feelings. Thank you. For reading, and for seeing a big part of me and who I am 🧡
And YES! The part two has actually already been published in a literary magazine so I could finally share it here. It’s titled “Consent Defined” and it’s on my page!
Just bite the bullet and get it over with!! Haha this is such solid writing. I felt like I was sitting in a chair right next to the narrator. Thank you for this read and looking forward to exploring more. Cheers!
SO many people miss there’s some dark humor dribbled in because that’s just purely how I operate/cope! This was a breath of fresh air having it read exactly as intended 🧡
Hi Amanda, what an amazing piece of writing first of all. A very complex topic, it made me pause, and I'm grateful that someone wanted to share something so vulnerable with the world. I think that's pretty amazing.
You deserve it - for every person that reads what you write, they take a bit more of their independence and autonomy back and that's worth celebrating.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of consent and what it really means to consent to something. Where are the limits of what someone can or should be allowed to consent to? How does that relate to sex, abortion, consensual non-consent, assisted suicide, gender dysphoria, and body dysmorphia? It seems to me that these aren’t just legal or ethical questions, but deep philosophical ones: not just how much agency we have, but how much we should have. Thanks for pushing the conversation in that direction.
This is the first time I’ve ever truly felt heard when it comes to the discussions I want to have around the nuances of consent. I want to talk about the gray areas. Those fine lines.
Growing up, I had no understanding of what consent actually meant. I thought the “R” word was something that could only happen in dark alleys with violent strangers. I was never taught or told that assault, on a large scale, happens most of the time by people you know and trust. In spaces you, prior to, felt safe in.
And it’s not just sexual encounters, I feel we often overlook that there is a whole world of things we consent to daily without having the proper discussions surrounding what it means.
Thank you for reading, and giving these hard discussions space.
I'm ashamed to say that I had to read this one a few times before I understood it.
Am I to understand that the therapist is a sort of antagonist here because she's lulling the protagonist into a false sense of security while oversimplifying the problem of consent? By asking her to define consent in one sentence, she's not letting her address the complexities of consent?
Certainly bad therapists can do that sometimes -- start to guide you towards the wrong conclusions, or guide you away from the point you know you want to make.
In which case this isn't just a story about defining consent, but about how challenging it can be to even find the space to define it?
Please, you read it…and more than once! I’m honored 🧡
More or less, I wanted to focus on my therapist who was trying to simplify, in the most absolute and definitive terms, what consent is. What it means. (Knowing that I may have been a victim of non-consensual acts and trying to open the floor for that conversation.) But I, not only in attempts to conceal my prior history, genuinely could not define consent in basic terminology. It felt too broad of a concept, and one we tend to contradict constantly.
Thank you for your raw unfiltered truth. It’s refreshing to have someone truly let someone see behind the curtain not the filtered what everyone wants to hear commentary but the real raw feelings and emotions that lie underneath. I appreciate your honesty. Keep doing what you’re doing!
This meant the world 🧡🫶
Thank you!!!
Wow. That three-word line at the beginning:
“Nice try, bitch.”
It told me everything I needed to know about the speaker. The tone, the walls, the sharp self-awareness, the survival instinct; it’s all baked in. That line sets the table for everything that follows, and I immediately trusted the voice because of it.
It’s not just snark for snark’s sake. It’s armor. It’s control. It’s a power move in a room where the speaker feels like they’re being dissected, and they’re not about to let anyone — therapist, reader, whoever — get the upper hand without a fight.
Brilliant choice. Perfect delivery.
I was in from that first breath.
This is officially the best comment I have ever received on any of my writing. That’s exactly, verbatim, the intention behind it and you’re the first person who’s picked up on that!
I feel like you see me and you just get it.
That visibility, and your being here to bear witness, means more than I could ever begin to express.
I'm sure other people get it. Maybe they just don't comment. I can't imagine others don't get it, because it screamed at me from the page so clearly in the best way.
I definitely see you. Your writing is sleek and smart and full of feeling. It's a true pleasure to read.
🥹 You make me and my writing feel worthwhile here. You’re an absolute treasure.
Believe it or not, I once heard a woman say that she preferred it to be nonconsensual. I remember she couldnt, or wouldn't (thanks to this newfound understanding) say no; ultimately, she believed this made her more "cool."
Yeah, that needs to be unpacked in a safe therapeutic setting.
It's such a relief to know that there is a possibility of undoing whatever it is that made it this way.
100%!!! I feel the same way
A well measured response. There are systems for consent in the BDSM world that I was were more common outside of it. The specificity is needed in, because sometimes no doesn't mean no in those settings. In some settings even tears don't mean stop.
The idea is that limits are defined, and what will be done is discussed. New acts are not added in the heat of the movement but instead negated in detail. The exact level of detail can vary widely and there is always room for grey, but this is much more effective then, "let's all just guess."
Hi Amanda, that is a powerful piece. This is such a complex topic and is so well written. There is even a hint of humor?! Not sure how you did that, but I will be here for more :)
Thank you so much for reading! That means the world 🧡🫶 and YES! There is some drops of humor most folks overlook or don’t catch - I’m so glad you did! Thank you for getting my style and sense of dry sarcastic humor!
My favorite kind of humor 😅
I am so happy to have discovered your account through Sal’s list^^
I enjoyed reading this. It’s raw, it’s blunt, it’s the voice all women need. I’m sure many of us have had at least a few of these encounters. As a young woman I frequently found myself in positions where I didn’t feel safe to say “No”. Or if I said “No” they wouldn’t take it at face value and continue with coercion.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond with your thoughts. I agree! It’s a universally shared experience for most women. I’m sorry you went through this 🧡 I’m sending you love and a virtual hug!
So incredibly evocative! Loved this piece :)
Thank you!!! ☺️🧡🫶
Hell yes! Strikingly true and one hundred percent true. Super raw and genuine. I was hooked. Like I wanted more. Your writing is very grabbing and made me feel like I had a hitch in my breath. Eeeeek. 🤍
🥹🥹🥹 thank you!!!
Love the deepness of your post . Great work and explanations💕
Subbed and looking forward to seeing more from you!
Thank you so much
Jennifer, thank you so much! I just checked your page out, too! I love love love your take on color theory and hues! My whole life I’ve wondered if I’m a spring, summer, autumn or winter! What colors compliment me best; and yellow has always felt like home! 💛
Love to connect send me a message and we can talk ?
Absolutely! 🫶
💕💕😘😘can’t wait
Oh, Sis. I feel you. But this isn’t consent. None of that, is consent. I’ve been on the mean end of lack of consent. It sucks. But it’s also part of the reason I am who (and how) I am now. So glad we’ve connected. Curious to read more from you.
Thank you for reading 🧡 that means the world to me! More than I could ever express. And Pt. 2 to this story is published! I finally could share it here! Titled, “Consent Defined”
If you ever have a moment to read it, I’d LOVE your thoughts!!! Sometimes I feel like the only people who will understand, are those who have gone through it themselves. It’s always mixed feelings for me; I’m so incredibly grateful we found one another to share common ground and feel less alone. But it breaks my heart knowing anyone else had to go through this. 😭
Oh Amanda. You perfectly captured the feelings I went through a few years ago. This hit so hard. Thank you for sharing. I'm going to part 2 now x
Let me know what you think of Pt. 2 if you have free time! 🧡🫶
My heart. 🥹🧡 I always feel mixed emotions when someone says these two works resonate with them. I’m glad we’ve found one another to share common ground with, but I’m sad to know you ever had a similar experience.
Thank you for reading, and know I’m always here! Just a DM away 🫶
Amanda, your honesty here is next-level. I know that feeling you described - when the inner dialogue becomes so loud that it drowns out everything else. The way you narrate from inside that storm makes it hit even harder.
That line about “just letting the guy finish quickly” lands hard. Nobody wants to admit how often we perform to keep the peace, or how much gray area there is. You’re saying out loud what most people never will.
That last line, “I’ll plead a false confession if it comes to it,” feels like it’s setting something up. Is this part of a larger story, or is there more to come? Either way, it stuck with me.
Thanks for laying it bare.
Neil, this meant the WORLD to me. This caught me in my feelings. Thank you. For reading, and for seeing a big part of me and who I am 🧡
And YES! The part two has actually already been published in a literary magazine so I could finally share it here. It’s titled “Consent Defined” and it’s on my page!
I’ll run back and grab the link 🔗
https://open.substack.com/pub/amandaizzo/p/consent-defined?r=5kmyzs&utm_medium=ios
Just bite the bullet and get it over with!! Haha this is such solid writing. I felt like I was sitting in a chair right next to the narrator. Thank you for this read and looking forward to exploring more. Cheers!
SO many people miss there’s some dark humor dribbled in because that’s just purely how I operate/cope! This was a breath of fresh air having it read exactly as intended 🧡
Hi Amanda, what an amazing piece of writing first of all. A very complex topic, it made me pause, and I'm grateful that someone wanted to share something so vulnerable with the world. I think that's pretty amazing.
This means more to me than you’ll ever know! 🧡
Thank you for reading, for hearing me and for your support!!! My heart feels very full 🫶
You deserve it - for every person that reads what you write, they take a bit more of their independence and autonomy back and that's worth celebrating.
🥹🫶🧡 Ugh. My heart! This made me cry.